My heart goes out to anyone who is battling depression and their families that love them. Before I could blog post anything else I needed to process our communities recent suicide and try to find some meaning from these tragedies through reflection and writing.

Our DSHA/MUHS community is heart broken over the death of Jack Kujawa. Another dynamic creative person lost way too soon after losing his battle with depression. I am so sad for his family and friends as they try to come to terms with the world with out their Jack. I don’t know the Kujawa family. But this news affected me deeply as it reminded me so much of our dear friend Charlie who also lost his battle with depression 15 years ago.

When Charlie died people did not talk about mental health, depression, anxiety and suicide like we do today. Charlie’s family did. They established The Charlie E. Kubly Foundation after his death. Their mission is to better the lives of those affected by depression by increasing public awareness of the disease and its devastating effects, eliminating the stigma associated with it, supporting suicide prevention programs and promoting improved access to quality mental health resources within communities. The foundation has funded over 1.8 million dollars to 230 projects since 2003. I know these projects have made a positive impact.

Yet what makes me so sad is Jack Kujawa’s family 15 years later is making the same plea to us to have the hard conversations and help remove the stigma of depression. Why are we continuing to lose these amazing dynamic creative souls to this painful disease? How can our scientists and researchers solve so many medical mysteries on how the body works and create so many drugs to aid the bodies function but the teenage suicide rate continues to rise? What are we missing?

These are the questions that have weighed heavy on my heart. One of Jack’s friends shared at his funeral that Jack coped with his depression by helping others. How can that wise coping method not be enough? The only answer I can come up with is that the disease of depression is so complicated in its manifestation and we just don’t understand it. We as a society and our medical community have much work to do to understand this disease. After talking a lot recently with my teenage daughter, Sierra, I don’t believe it can simply be blamed on social media but I do believe feelings of isolation maybe a part of it and social media can make those feelings worse. 

If there is one thing we know for sure it is that depression does not discriminate. It isn’t a disease just for those who may appear depressed it can affect anyone and even those who appear to have it all. And it can stem from so many different things from childhood trauma to chemical imbalances. 

When I reflect on the people in my life that I know who suffer from depression I don’t notice an outward expression of depression rather I notice a shared trait of creativity among some. My fear is that our society does not allow for their creativity, their different perspective which causes them to feel isolated and different. And when that feeling of isolation happens regularly our brain can get stuck on this track of feeling isolated which then maybe leads to depression. People who suffer from depression have explained that when you are depressed you aren’t able to control your thoughts. They have taken control of you. Clearly there are more aspects of depression and it is very complicated. But if we can allow more room as a society for creativity, for different perspectives just maybe that would help. We have creative children and it scares me that if they lack opportunities for creative expression they could become depressed. Their creativity enables them to see the world differently and sometimes that also means they experience the world more intensly. It is what makes them so dynamic and fun to be around but I worry it sometimes makes them feel different. We do everything we can to find them creative outlets. I have no idea if that will help but I have to at least try to celebrate their creativity and hope that they are ok being who they are.

After spending a lot of time this last week talking with friends, meditating, and reflecting the thing I take away from these tragedies is that we need to celebrate our differences instead of trying to take comfort in homogeneity. It is clear in our race relations, our political environment and our mental health epidemic that we have to see, accept and learn from our differences. 

As parents we must continue to create space for honest conversations about mental health. We must keep teaching our children and reminding ourselves how important it is to be kind. 

What I remember about our friend Charlie was his humor and his generosity. Still today seeing his smile frozen in time in a picture makes me pause and wish that he was here.  For a long time I held onto this memory of the last time I saw him. I remember feeling that there was something off, but I didn’t say anything. I just said, “Bye Charlie, see you soon.” I wish I had said, “Are you ok?” I realize now that it is rather narcissistic to think that would have made a difference but who knows for sure. I now trust that feeling and I am trying to teach my kids to do the same. Take the time to ask the question. Have the real conversations. 

I’m encouraged by some of the latest neuroscience that is showing that the brain is malleable. We don’t have to get stuck in certain ways of thinking. Meditation has been proven to positively affect the brain. I believe that through meditation we become more kind, more aware of our thoughts, more accepting of our differences.

I am not suggesting that meditation can cure depression. But I am suggesting that mindfulness skills are good for everyone.  I am encouraged by the development of this Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy for Depression which is receiving positive reviews.

I hope that we as a society allow people to be creative and to connect in meaningful ways. And I hope that our medical community gives depression the research attention it needs and I really hope that the suicide numbers go down.