She Made Me a Mom
Sierra’s birth 16 years ago made me what I always wanted to be - a mom. And her timing was memorable, we brought her home from the hospital on mother’s day.
Even though I was at ease with Sierra from the moment she was born I still took great comfort in having my mom close to help me those first weeks of motherhood. She gave me breaks to sleep and she listened to my play by play reports of everything about Sierra. I wanted to find my own way with motherhood and my mom understood that. It was my pursuit of answers in parenting books that quieted my gut instinct not realizing the value and gift of a mother’s intuition in those early years of motherhood. Today my kids tease me that I think I am psychic because I now take my gut instincts very seriously!
My mom made motherhood appear easy, joyful and fulfilling as she mothers with such ease and love. She set an example of balance with her volunteering, retail jobs and interior design business. She had clear expectations for our behavior and our appearance. She was a product of the era of logical consequences. I never heard her swear and can not even recall her losing her cool even once. She had her act together as did all her friends. And though it was a time of control and composure I never once doubted her love and support. The recent popular SNL skit about perfect moms made me laugh out loud! I love the message that motherhood isn’t about perfection, and our memories can be forgiving.
Of course my mom wasn’t perfect either but she is pretty close to perfect for me because of her consistent ability to listen. She has always made me feel like she has all the time in the world for me. It’s hard to do that today for our kids in our easily distracted digital world.
The constant of motherhood regardless of the decade is the intensity of the love and protection for a child coupled with all the uncertainty and unknown. It’s easy to get lost in fear, worry and anxiety as a parent especially if a child has some health concerns. There was a time that I mothered from fear and it was only when I started meditating did I learn to replace my fear with love. I know since I started meditating I’ve become a better mom. Through my meditation I’ve awakened my inner voice, my motherly instinct and established a foundation of unconditional love. I’m far from perfect but I am better than I was when I didn’t meditate.
If you are interested in starting your own meditation practice explore my blog where I share resources and guided meditations to help get you started. I also just started posting my meditations on Youtube. I truly believe through meditation we can bring peace to our world. It can seem hard to start but really the hard part is just the starting. Start small, just a couple minutes and know there is no wrong way to meditate. All it takes is hitting pause on life for even just a few minutes.
Maybe we are replacing the appearances of control and composure of the 80s with inner awareness, vulnerability and authenticity. And just maybe a benefit of this new digital world we live in is it is forcing us to be more honest with ourselves and others. And maybe we are over sharing. I like to think in the sharing we are creating opportunities to relate and connect.
Happy 16th birthday Sierra, thank you for making me your mother, us your parents. We are not perfect but we do love you completely and always will!