So I did a loving feel good post full of nostalgia and celebration about our 20th wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago. But now I’m compelled to share the rest of the story. Because the truth is marriage isn’t easy. The statistics show it. If it was easy one in two wouldn’t end in divorce. It is hard. It takes consistent effort. We’ve been to marriage counseling twice. There were times I wanted to do it on my own. I was tired of trying to compromise, trying to be on the same page, trying to make each other happy. I had a lot of expectations that sometimes I communicated and sometimes I didn’t. 

Thankfully along the way we have learned a lot. I think it’s worth learning each other’s love language. It helps with communication and good communication is key. In marriage counseling we learned how to communicate better and listen better.

I think it is important to not lose yourself in a marriage. It’s important to keep something whether it’s a job or a hobby that is just for you. Finding my way with my Young Living business has been good for our marriage. 

I think you have to do things together to avoid co-existing.  I believe connecting daily in meaningful ways is the necessary glue in marriage. Go on dates. Find ways to have fun together.

I think purposefully cultivating gratitude and compassion can help keep marriages kind. It helps when you are each other’s cheerleader instead of critic. I know my meditation practice has helped our marriage by moving me from a reactionary way of being to a more calm, kind, mindful way of being.

And I do think you have to find a way to have lots of sex. I believe intimacy is really important in a successful marriage. 

Most of all if you want to stay together and not just coexist you have to keep trying.

Marriage is not easy but much like happiness you either choose it or you don’t. I choose happiness. I choose marriage. I’m committed to put in the effort and thankfully so is Jason. I don’t have it all figured out but it has been 20 years and it’s just getting better and better.