How many more times?

How many more times do I have to rub your back?

How many more times will your head rest on my lap?

Haw many more times will my arm tickles comfort you?

How many more times will our bodies melt together as one in sleep?

How many more times will I get to brush your hair from your forehead?

How many more time will I get to rest my hand on you with love?

Just wishing for more time with you, my sweet child.

I take deep breaths, and savor this moment, blessing you with never ending love and protection. It is these little moments among the rushing that I will hold on to forever as your mother.

How do I teach you that everything you need is within you?

How many more times do I get to tell you my love for you is never ending?

How many more times?

We never know.

The old ladies warned me in the grocery lines that it goes so fast.

If only I knew how to hit pause when you were young, how to slow down, that in fact that practice, that school project, that birthday party, maybe wasn’t more important than our family dinner.

If only I knew then what I know now.

It is everything each time I hold you, comfort you, love you.

Now I sit here in this car with you, your head on my lap, sleeping peacefully, one of my legs is falling asleep, I’m holding my pee for as long as I can.

You are my youngest and I’ve finally figured out how fleeting these moments are.

We never know how many more.

Can I live in the moment, be present, be love?

• inspired by the great Bob Dylan