Shasta
This post certainly breaks the recommended length for a blog post, so perhaps grab yourself a cup of tea. I write this to process my grief over the sudden loss of our dog, Shasta. Grieving for a dog is a hard thing. I almost feel guilty for being so sad over the loss of our dog, they maybe our best friends but they are not human. And with so much tragic loss of human life I almost didn’t want to share this as the loss of a dog seems less significant in comparison to the loss of human life and it is, but it also isn’t. It just is different. Sometimes when we try to compare grief or tragedy all that is accomplished is reducing the space to grieve. So I write this to give me space to grieve. And I hope that by sharing perhaps there will be meaning in relating and simply shared understanding. And most of all I write to remember as time goes by. This blog is my scrapbook for myself, my family, friends and anyone interested. I often question if I should change the format and make it private. I often second guess why I share my reflections here. I worry about being boastful or appearing like I think I have it all figured out when I know that is far from true. But then I remind myself that when we live our lives honestly with vulnerability we create opportunities to learn and grow. So please know I share this from a humble heart whose intention is simply honesty and meaningful connections.
I believe the story of Shasta is worth sharing. Shasta’s story starts with a young girl named Sierra who desperately wanted a puppy. She had a golden birthday coming up. She was turning 9 on May 9th, 2012, and all she wanted for her special golden birthday was a puppy. Her dad felt our family was already full so Sierra needed to do some convincing. Luckily I, Sierra’s mom, also wanted a puppy. I had grown up in a house that always had a dog; so to me a family was only complete with a dog. Together Sierra and I researched and researched online. We found a dog rescue group called Tailwaggers 911. The group drives down to animal shelters in the south where there are so many homeless dogs. Because the shelters are overflowing they are sometimes forced to euthanize dogs. Tailwaggers 911 rescues the dogs that would be euthanized and drives them up north. They do the magical work of matchmaking dogs with their forever families. Tailwaggers 911 is a committed group of volunteers who work hard to ensure their rescue dogs go to safe and loving homes.
On their website they post pictures of dogs and puppies available for adoption. Sierra found a sweet Black Lab mix on the website and together we filled out the application. Then it was just a game of patience as we waited and waited for the call that the transport was on its way. We chose a puppy that was a Black Lab mix as we had learned during our research that they are great dogs with kids and being that at the time we had a nine year old, seven year old, 4 year old and 2 year old in our family; finding a dog with a good disposition for kids was key. We also read that we should avoid Border Collie mixes as they can be aggressive with kids as they are work dogs that love to herd. They need a job and may try to herd kids playing in the yard.
We received the life changing call on a Sunday morning. We quickly loaded up the car and went to meet the transport at a park and ride 45 minutes away. When we arrived at the park and ride, we saw other people waiting in cars. We kept looking for the Tailwaggers 911 van. When it finally arrived our stomachs did cartwheels in excitement. Everyone started getting out of their cars. You could feel the excitement. The volunteers opened the back doors of the van and the excited barks of the dogs made themselves heard. They opened the kennels one by one, checked the tags and called peoples’ names. We observed people connecting with their dogs and felt their joy. There were dogs and people of all sizes being matched with what everyone hoped would be their forever friend. When they finally called our name, I stepped forward and they handed me this small little black and white furry puppy; I immediately took her into my arms. As I looked into the puppies sweet eyes I fell in love and she greeted me with love by marking (peeing on) me. I quickly put her down. We started giggling and fumbling with her leash. We let her walk around for a bit and then we loaded her up with us and headed home. The puppy settled in on Sierra’s lap as she gently pet her and the discussion began of what to name her. Everyone in the family had ideas and opinions.
At home we spent lots of time with her in our yard getting to know her. We would laugh as she bounded around curiously exploring. We set up a spot for her in our mudroom. The first night Sierra slept on the mudroom floor in her sleeping bag and the puppy marked her too. She was a smart puppy and with the help of treats and regular trips outside she quickly learned that grass was the preferred spot to pee. After much family discussion, we settled on the name Shasta. We didn’t name her after a 1960s soda per say; we just liked the sounds of the name. Shasta was a puppy full of energy and teething a bit.
A couple days into our new life with a puppy, I got a little nervous, worrying it had been a mistake. Shasta was wild and nipping at the kids. I called Tailwaggers 911 and told them, “I think you gave us the wrong puppy. We were supposed to adopt a Black Lab mix, and this puppy is a Border Collie mix. I’m not sure she will be good with the kids.” The patient volunteer gave a few simple training suggestions and said she would check back in a couple days. The volunteer ended her advice by saying, “I’ve been doing this volunteer job for over ten years, most times it’s the right match, not always the expected match but the right match.” And as I took in that wise advice, I knew that there must be reasons I didn’t understand yet, for why we were matched with Shasta, and that did prove to be true. Shasta was the perfect match for us.
Shasta was an active puppy but she was also very trainable. She was quickly house trained and also quickly learned to be gentle with the kids. The key was to always have a dog toy available. She learned to chew the dog toy instead of the little people. When the volunteer called back a few days later, I told her, “You were right, we are figuring it out and it is a perfect match.” I was worried that the breed mattered so much in a dog’s disposition. What I didn’t understand then is that rescue dogs know they have been rescued. They are mutts, so one's breed characteristics can’t define them. Rescue dogs are each unique and they know they are lucky. They know they have been rescued; all they need is love. Shasta was showered with love by her new family of six.
In time we all agreed that Shasta completed the family. There is nothing like returning home to the excitement of a loyal dog that missed you. Shasta graduated from the mudroom and gained full reign of the house. She spread her love around the family and could be found sleeping with any family member on any given night. She did figure out early on that sleeping with her family on a bed was very cozy and comfy. She never slept anywhere else, always cozy with someone in her family.
One of the special things about Shasta is how attached she became to her family. She could always be found with her family members. She never wandered upstairs for an afternoon nap, she always stayed in the room with her people. She loved playing in the yard with the kids. If the kids were in the pool she sat on the pool deck. She wasn’t a swimmer but I’m convinced she would have rescued the kids if they needed it. She became our shadow and our protector.
Around Shasta’s second birthday we decided to rescue another dog partly for Shasta to have a dog friend and partly for ourselves as Shasta had become such a treasured part of our family. We wanted more dog love in our lives; that is how Pepper arrived. Another Tailwaggers 911 rescue dog that wasn’t exactly what we expected but she too only needed love. Shasta and Pepper immediately became best friends.
We loved taking them for walks and they especially liked a race. We did the H.A.W.S 5 k fundraiser run. Shasta and Pepper led the boys to the finish line earning medals!
We sometimes wondered if Shasta was a sled dog in her past life. She was so strong and would pull the kids on sleds with excitement and determination.
Shasta was a winter dog. She loved the snow. Her big beautiful coat kept her warm. She loved exploring on the ice too.
She loved a boat ride too feeling the wind in her face and all the different smells from the lake.
As she grew older she became almost regal, known for sitting with such dignity and beauty. There was a depth about her that was noticeable. She was most known for her soulful eyes. Eye contact and dogs can have a lot of meaning. Most dogs don’t hold human eye contact as it can make them feel uncertain as eye contact can be a way to show dominance and can lead to conflict in dog communication. If you can hold eye contact with a dog with out being challenging it can be a beautiful way to bond.
“Dog eye contact triggers the release of oxytocin, the hormone responsible for love and bonding, in both humans and canines (one study found that dogs experience a 130% increase in oxytocin levels after locking eyes with their owners—while humans experience a whopping 300% increase.”
(https://www.rover.com/blog/dog-eye-contact/)
Shasta was all about eye contact. She must have provided us with so much oxytocin with all the loving eye locking she did with us and certain friends that she loved. Shasta just over flowed with love and she showed it with her eyes and her famous leans. I think it was that little bit of Border Collie that explains her leans. Her love language was certainly physical contact. It was her expression perhaps of that herding instinct I was so worried about when we first adopted her. She was happiest when she was leaning into, sitting next to or laying on someone’s feet. She loved to lean in to people when she greeted them, it was her hug. She also was known for a nose dive that was embarrassing but most of all it was her lean in that showed her love.
Shasta grew older with a lot of chaos. Louie arrived unplanned into our family. He was supposed to be my parents' dog but was a bit too much for them to handle in their condo, he became dog number three for us. Shasta tolerated him but didn’t seem to connect with him like she did Pepper. Shasta maintained her top dog status of the trio even though Louie would try to challenge it at times.
She also had to endure baby chicks in the house, and chickens, ducks and even goats in the yard. She simply understood they were part of the family. She never once nipped or growled at the other animals of our family.
Like most dogs what Shasta loved most was going for a walk. It is those many walks that I treasure now looking back and of course I wished I had walked her even more. That is one of the many gifts dogs give us - they motivate us out the door to enjoy the fresh air and exercise. It is this exact motivation that happiness experts have found is a big part of why people with dogs often express more happiness than those with out. It isn’t just the bonding it is also the motivation to get outside for walks that is so good for our over all wellness.
Some summers we buzzed her beautiful coat to help keep her cool and the new hairdo revealed a bit of Dalmatian in her we think. As she got older she did develop a stubborn side too. There were times she would settle in on a bed or couch and it was hard to get her to move. She also loved being outside. There were times when we would call her in and she would look right at us and go lay down outside refusing to come in. Eventually we found a favorite Nandi treat that made it easy to get her in.
An odd thing that developed later in her life was she became a germaphobe. And this happened long before COVID so it wasn’t something she learned from us. If someone coughed or sneezed Shasta would leave the room. We sometimes used a fake cough to make room on the couch if she was being stubborn. Now looking back on it I wonder if that is when she first started not feeling well herself and knew to stay healthy she needed to stay away from germs. She was a smart dog. I’ve recently learned from Malcom Gladwell’s podcast that dogs can not only smell cancer; they can detect COVID with their powerful sense of smell. I do think she was protecting herself. I just wish towards the end she could have told us how she was feeling. She held her head high and continued to shower us with love right up to the end.
I started to get concerned one day when she didn’t want one of her favorite Nandi treats. But then she rebounded and seemed fine. I have been plagued by regrets, wishing I had taken her to the vet right when I sensed something was wrong but she also hid it so well. The veterinarian comforted me explaining that what brought her life to a sudden end developed quickly. When Austin came home from being out of town and Shasta didn’t do her typical excited dance and whimper of joy for a loved one's return; we all knew then something was very wrong. I took her to the vet the next day and on the drive there when I opened the window she didn’t put her head out the window. She just looked at me with her telling eyes and I knew right then that it was bad and my heart started breaking in that moment. When a dog doesn’t take joy in an open car window you know something is very very wrong. I could see it in her eyes.
The veterinary team greeted us with concern and compassion. They too saw instantly that Shasta was not herself. They did some tests and determined she was in fact a very sick dog. She had a mass on her spleen that was causing internal bleeding and several masses in her lungs. There was nothing they could do for her. I knew before they told me but to hear those fateful words hurt deeply. The vet compassionately explained that she didn’t have much time. If we waited she could struggle and be in pain and it could be a difficult death. The vet did agree to me taking her home for an hour so we could all say our goodbyes. I am grateful we had that time and I am grateful at least Sierra could be with us via FaceTime. It broke my heart that Shasta blessed our family because of Sierra’s persuasion and she couldn’t pet her one last time. Shasta’s beautiful fur had been a safe place for all of us to shed tears over the years. And in that last hour of her life we all showered her with our tears of love.
I was grateful that Birdie bravely accompanied me back to the vet to put Shasta down. I didn’t want anyone to feel like they had to be there in the end. I think Birdie went to try to understand what exactly was happening. She is a wise 11 year old but the idea of putting your beloved pet down is a hard concept to grasp. I know Birdie wanted to understand more and I believe she also did it for Sierra. Since Sierra couldn’t be there Birdie helped her be there as best she could by maintaining our Facetime call with Sierra at the vets in those final moments. Those final moments were harder than I ever expected. There was peace, beauty, understanding and heartache. Shasta did not struggle or whimper. She did look up into my eyes just before the end. I like to believe her soulful eyes were looking at me, telling me, “I love you, until we meet again.,” or maybe she was simply saying, “It’s ok, and thank you.” I don’t have the exact words to put to it but the soulful connection to Shasta we will forever carry in our hearts.
I walk Pepper and Louie more these days. We all miss Shasta’s loving loyal presence. She taught us the significance of eye contact. I’d like that to be her lasting lesson for us, to remember how important it is to look people in the eyes, to truly see each other. Shasta provided our family the opportunity to love big and to cry big. No dog will replace her but I do agree with the sentiment of the following quote.
“It came to me that every time I lose a dog, they take a piece of my heart with them, and every new dog that comes into my life gifts me with a piece of their heart. If I live long enough, all of the components of my heart will be dog, and I will become as generous, loyal and as loving as they are.” - Anonymous
Shasta will forever be in our hearts. She was a good dog.
