We signed up our kids to ski race at Heiliger Huegel Ski Club so they could learn the fundamentals of skiing. Participating on the ski team taught them not only how to ski but has also instilled in them a true love of the sport. Jason and I grew up skiing and love it for the physical activity but even more for the access it gives us to the mountains. The breathtaking views that stop you in your tracks. The experience of being in winter weather makes me feel alive whether it is in the mountains or at Holy Hill. 

And most of all it is something we can all do together.

We didn’t expect them ALL to get into ski racing as much as they have. Sierra competes with her high school team. She enjoys the sport and the social aspect of racing. Jack has gone all in and competes nationally on the USSA track. Austin and Birdie compete locally in the Wisconsin Junior Racing program. They all love the sport and we are grateful for the opportunities and friendships ski racing has provided our family. 

Last year Jack qualified for the Junior Championships in Steamboat. We all traveled out together and cheered him on. The announcer was entertaining as he highlighted the kids from the flat lands out here competing. It is hard for kids who practice on a hill of 900 ft elevation to compete with kids that train in the mountains but they do it! 

Jack qualified again this year even after being off snow for six weeks. His competitors were training in CO while we were traveling in New Zealand and I worried that our trip might throw off Jack’s season. Instead he came back more focused and determined. His mindset is good but I do wonder how the time off snow really affected him.

What I have learned from being in this sport once as an athlete, as a coach and as a parent is that it is the athletes story, not their parents or their coaches. Jack has to want it and own it, which I believe also includes taking care of his gear, tuning his skis. 

Sports today have taken such a place of importance in our lives often dictating families schedules, hijacking the dinner hour and creating a business that can lead to disconnection. Often our children’s success in sports becomes a defining aspect of the family. It can be a lot of pressure on the kids and parents. Pressure on the kids to perform and pressure on the parents to keep up with the other families pursuit of gear and training in the case of ski racing. This pressure can lead to significant financial and time investment and an inordinate attachment can develop. In a recent conversation with my oldest brother, who has outstanding athletes in his family, we discussed the Jesuit idea of inordinate attachment. The Jesuits refer to the concept as a way to reflect during prayer on how someone is living their life. Are we inordinately attached to an emotion, a relationship, an activity, a job, a child’s success in a sport? 

I think we suffer from inordinate attachment when we are living in our shadow, fueling our ego instead of living in our true authentic self, in our own purpose. We may attach to our children’s story when we have disattached from our own purpose, our own story. 

Through awareness we can overcome inordinate attachments and instead be supportive parents cheering from the sidelines.

There was a poplular article that interviewed college athletes about what their parents said that made them feel great after a sporting event, the response was, “I love to watch you play.” This is the response from a parent that is not suffering from inordinate attachment, that is not focused on the outcome or the results. This is the response from a parent who supports their child in their sports opportunity.  Now there is a website full of great articles and resources to help parents find balance in youth sports. Sad we need this but great to have resources. 

I don’t bring this up in judgement of other parents. I have teased some of my ski dad friends that I should write a tv script for a show called Ski Dads so we could find comedy in our intensity. The truth is I know all these intense parents just want opportunities and success for their kids.  I also know there have been times I have fallen into the traps of inordinate attachment to my children’s story as well but at least now I am aware of it.

I bring this up for the kids. Kids today are under so much pressure. Sports are supposed to be an outlet, an opportunity for camaraderie, a chance to be a part of something bigger than just themselves.

Though Jack wishes he had some buddies from HH with him competeting; he is really proud to represent Heiliger Huegel at Junior Championships. He respects his coach and through this opportunity he is learning many life lessons, his life lessons. 

And we will be cheering for him on the sidelines.

Junior Championships Opening Ceremony Steamboat 2019